When we look at marital breakdown we most often focus on one thing that has happened and say this is what went wrong. This applies particularly with marital affairs and infidelity but there is usually some underlying problem that led to the infidelity rather than it just suddenly happening completely out of the blue.

One partner having an affair is often the final nail in the coffin of a relationship but in most cases there are other significant issues that led to the infidelity. Think about it for a second. If you are incredibly happy being married and marriage gives you everything you want why would you be looking elsewhere? It makes no sense.
If there are things missing from the relationship and it does not make you happy you can understand how someone might be looking elsewhere for those missing things.

Sometimes careless indiscretions do happen. Circumstances conspire to put someone in a situation when they are feeling weak willed and a one night fling may occur. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their partner and it doesn’t mean they want to get out of their marriage. They made a mistake and may bitterly regret their weakness and wish it had never happened.

This is a very different scenario to someone who carries on a long term affair whilst they are married or in a significant relationship. A long term affair means they are lying to their partner and leading two separate lives. It means they are betraying all the love and trust the receive from their partner and it means their partner is with someone they do not truly know.

Discovering your partner has been carrying on a secret affair for a long time can be devastating and it displays a complete lack of honesty that is so fundamental to building a strong relationship. It is hard to see how anyone could forgive such a betrayal of trust.

The weak willed person who makes one mistake and then regrets it is a different case. Some would say they have made their mistake and the betrayal is just the same but it may be that they have learned from their mistake and would never do such a thing again.

We are all different and we have slightly different views on such things but sometimes being able to forgive may be able to strengthen and rebuild what is fundamentally a good relationship that can be even better in the future but ultimately we have to be honest with ourselves and if you feel unable to ever forgive such a mistake it is unlikely you can ever be truly happy in that relationship in the future.

Posted under Relationships