Every nice guy has pondered this at one time or another:

“Why do jerks get the women, and me, the good guy, is stuck being alone?”

Sometimes, it’s easy to believe that Jerks have some type of magical power that allows them to sucker women into liking them and somehow have them hang around while they treat them like dirt.

This happens SO MUCH, that some guys believe that they actually have to BECOME Jerks to get women attracted to them.

But make no mistake about it – no body likes a jerk. Not even the women who date them! So if that’s the case, why is it obvious that they get so many girls to go for them?

Well, remember that Jerk’s tend to go through lots of women quickly. Most girls will only put up with Jerk behavior for so long before they get sick of it. And those who stick around have such low self esteem as it is, that they’ve formed some type of strange attachment to the emotional abuse Jerks doll out.

That said, there are a number of things Jerks do to attract women that make them effective seducers and pick up artists. And these are things that “nice guys” can do, and get the same results.

Here are the top 5 things Jerks do to get women, and how you can do them too – WITHOUT having to become a prick…

1. Jerk’s are self-centered

One of the big things a Jerk has going for him is that he really doesn’t care about other people. In fact, his focus is almost entirely on his own pleasures, thoughts, and feelings.

Because of this, when he sees something he wants, he goes after it!

When your average “nice guy” sees a hot girl, he might be intimidated. He wants her to like him. He wants approval from her. In short – he cares about what she thinks!

But in addition to that, most guys care about what other’s think too! They worry about a girl rejecting them in front of other people, and what those people will think when they see it happen.

Jerks do not have this problem. They could care less about what other people are thinking. The Jerk is only focused on getting what he wants.

When you allow yourself to focus on your goals, and set aside fears of judgment from others, this gives you a great deal of focus, and as we all know, focus is KEY to achieving what we desire.

2. Jerks aren’t afraid to approach women

The single, most important step in getting a woman is walking up to her and talking to her.

A lot of guys just don’t do it. Whether it’s shyness, or intimidation, they don’t. Instead they just hover around her and stare like an idiot, hoping that they get the cods to meet her.

Jerks could care less what a woman thinks, so, without hesitation, they go up to meet her.

They’re thinking about how hot it’s going to be to make out with her. They’re thinking about how much fun it will be to get her in bed. The LAST thing on their mind is “fear of rejection.”

To a Jerk, if a girl rejects him, there’s something wrong with HER, not him. Nice guys will say “Oh, I’m too ugly, she doesn’t like me.” Jerks will say “That bitch is a total lesbian.”

Just the act of being able to approach a girl and start talking to her puts the Jerk at an advantage, because he’s interacting with the girl, and the “nice guy” isn’t. To the girl, the nice guy doesn’t exist!

That’s why women typically have such low opinions of men, because it’s always the Jerks who are approaching the women while the shy guys sit off in the corner!

Jerks realize it’s not the woman’s job to approach the guy. If you want something, you have to go after it.

So if the Nice Guys were to start walking up and talking to women, they might be surprised to find most women WELCOME their company and really want to meet a good fella to treat them right!

3. Jerk’s don’t censor themselves

Part of the reason Jerk’s come off as fun, interesting, or exciting is because they aren’t worried about offending anybody. They will talk about whatever, joke about whatever, and even broach “sensitive” topics of conversation without a blink of an eye.

Too many “nice guys” hold back when they talk to a girl they like. They NEVER bring up sex. They don’t even joke about it. Heck, they don’t even display any sign they even LIKE the girl.

Because of this, the Nice Guys become the Boring Guys.

The Jerk will come along, make an off-color joke, tell the girl a racy story, and even MAKE FUN of the girl!

He could care less if he offends somebody. To the Jerk, he’s just doing what comes naturally to him. Attitude like this is like a breath of fresh air to many women, because they mistake it as “confidence.”

As this goes on, the more they realize this Jerk isn’t so much confident as he’s narcissistic. And he just doesn’t care about others.

Nice guys can learn a lot from these jerks, though. By putting aside the people pleaser attitude, loosening up, and creating some attraction, they’ll get much farther. After that, they can reveal their caring side to her.

This is the first part of a 2 part article. Watch for part 2 soon!

Posted under Relationships

I know several men who get confused when flirting, as they get a negative response that seems out of the blue. In some cases of this, it’s an issue of WHEN and WHERE.

Too often we don’t pay attention to where we are. I know guys who make passes at grieving widows at a funeral. It seems like a forgone conclusion, but it’s really easy to get caught in the moment and forget ourselves.

The OPPOSITE is also true, and many men forget this. Many men have become so uptight that they forget to flirt at times when it IS appropriate. Some women are this way too! There are several factors that lead to this, but let’s look at the WHEN and WHERE first.

THe first is a party, particularly a party of cultural significance (think Christmas or New Years). Some festivals are the same. I’m sure you’ve seen this before – inhibition flies out the door for some people at these times, and the party gets wild. Some carnivals are notorious for this – Mardi Gras comes to mind, as does Carnivale. You are EXPECTED to abandon much of your inhibition.

So wow, acting with abandon is actually okay? Well, somewhat. There is an etiquette to all of this, but it might just be reversing of everything you know.

The next acceptable place to flirt would be just about any place that serves alcohol. There are a few more rules for flirting at drinking establishments, however. The first is knowing the area around you.

If you are at the bar, standing, then it is considered more “public”. The further away you get from the bar, the more “private” it becomes, particularly if you are seated. A dance floor is the obvious exception.

Mind you, this doesn’t count in a restaurant. They tend to discourage flirting, and are designed more so for flirting between established dates.

Schools, by their nature, are hotbeds of flirting activity. This is known, and accepted. Look at how much pop culture references support this, in movies, songs, etc.. The flirty coed is based on reality, right?

College marks the dawn of the mate selection process that a woman undergoes. She is helped along by the commonality of the lifestyle being shared by most people around her.

You aren’t in school anymore? Try a weekend class every once in awhile in something that interests you. You might find some great opportunities there.

Another more acceptable place is the workplace, but I urge you err on the side of caution here. The rules of each place is different. There might be certain times in which it is okay (after work), and places (by the coffee machine, etc..). And most importantly, with WHOM.

Overall, it’s important to find out the norms of this for your own workplace. The best thing to do is watch other people at your work; experienced men should have become more acquainted with the norms, so find a few of those and observe them to get a quick idea.

The next place that comes to mind is a group sport. This one creates a conundrum – while you might be enthusiastic about the sport, if you both take it seriously, it might not be the place to flirt. It interrupts the focus and can come across as innapropriate at THAT time. Try during off hours at a better place.

If you are very casual about it, it’s a great time to flirt, with the added bonus of your adrenaline going – it will heighten things.

Those are some very basic places, but think of them in the broader sense, and you will understand.

Take the time to observe this etiquette – it can be to your GREATEST advantage to do so. Watch people around you so you’ll know WHEN and WHERE, and embrace the fact that sometimes, you are EXPECTED to flirt!

Hopefully, this will lead to more bold flirting and behavior, and that in turn leads to a healthier dating life!

Posted under Relationships

There are three top tips to having a great relationship that you can put to use in your love life today. Put the following tips into effect in your own way and your relationship will be enhanced starting now.

Tip Number One is Play. You got in your relationship in the first place to play, to have fun. Then over time the play can begin to disappear so that even sex seems like work. However, the more play you have with your mate, the less fighting you will have as well. And it is easy to start playing more with your mate.

So do you both make time to play together on a regular basis? Do you have a date night at least once a week?

Tip Number Two is Work Towards Healthy Conflict. Obviously, we all tend to fight from time to time in long term relationships. How you behave during and after the conflict seriously impacts the quality of your relationship. For example, expressing scorn or contempt during an argument has been shown to cause long term damage to a marriage.

As you will be arguing with your love from time to time anyway, it is good to start now to take some time to learn how to deal with conflict in healthy ways. One simple method is to learn to attack less during a fight and use “I” statements rather than “you” statements to discuss how you feel.

Tip #3: Minimize Mind Reading. We often tend to think our partners should just know what we want. This is a faulty assumption, and it can be a fatal one. Rather than think your mate should know what you want and give it to you, be proactive instead. Ask for what you want. If you need a hug, ask for it. If you need to be heard rather than given advice ask your mate to just listen.

By asking for what you need, you can prevent a lot of fights and sulking. And encourage your mate to ask for what they need when they seem unhappy as well. that’s being a good partner.

There are entire books that can be written about each of these three topics, so this is obviously just an introduction, but these are a great place to start to improve your love relationship today.

Posted under Marriage